Crowd Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

"He's an abstract artist."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

The Kali De Milo.

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Mass Travel

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'Kafka! Kandinsky! Kokoschka!'

Count Valmont- Proposed Titlepage to 'Les Liasons Dangereuses'

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

"It's called 'Sold'."

Antonin Leopold Dvorak

Chinese History: Redwash

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

'Would the person who's inhaling the very life out of this meeting please stop it right now?'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Australia's role in the Asian century.

"Who's the artist?"

Burger stall at an art gallery

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."