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The Tectonics and Their Plates.

'Actually Fred, I dropped a couple of things when I washing up...'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Party time.

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

Restaurant Chef with book titled: 'Introduction To Cooking'.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

true love.

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

An early Picasso painting is sold at auction - it is a painting from when Picasso was a child

Red Wine

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Long Corkscrew

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Wino Appreciation Group

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'I just found out my vintage Roy Rogers lunch box is worth more than my 401k.'

Michel Roux Jr

'Hey, look at this beauty... Man, I love those crunchy, well tanned sweethearts!'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

'My French is not so good.'

Bottle Opener Strikes A Red Wine Well

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'Would Sir like to smell the screw-top?'

Why Running Away Together Is Not a Very Good Idea...