Cracker Collector T-Shirts

"I'm leaving you, Polly! You don't want me. . . You just want crackers."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Robert Fripp

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Bearded Leftie.

Boy whistling at crackers.

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'You reek of crackers.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"You get one every time you order something online."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I wonder what this was for."

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

'How old is this vase?'

You're supposed to come out. Cat-in-a-Box!

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'