Critter Comedian Pillows

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Cat Reunion

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

His Master's Thesis.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Dogs life

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"