Crisis Planner Gifts

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

'I think I'll wait and buy one secondhand.'

"Plan for pestilence and hope for war, or plan for war and hope for pestilence?"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

Wall Street Couch

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Economic Downturns

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

God's Sticky Notes

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

Save the world together

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

Tsunami Evac Route

Capitalism.

The Covid Tail

"Get me someone in Apologies, someone in Walkbacks, and send up the whole Scapegoating team."

Zombie Fish

Ruble in Trouble

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'We don't have a mission statement. We have a survival plan.'

Coronavirus and Atlas

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"Appears to be some kind of unscheduled event. Better conference me in with legal."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

We need bold action to raise morale, yet not make people think there's a problem.

'Darling, I told you not to call me at work.'