Crisis Management Gifts

'Once you get the hang of it, crisis management is fairly straightforward.'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'What a great day! I spent the morning burning bridges and the afternoon putting out fires!'

Lady leaving a crisis management office past an emergency panic button.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"No sooner do we get over one problem, another rears its ugly head !"

'If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs...'

Let's make up a thorough plan first!

"Have you got anything that'll clean s**t off a fan?"

Spin doctor arriving at an emergency.

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"I know it's hard to stop running, but we have to get out of that circle."

Save the world together

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

We need bold action to raise morale, yet not make people think there's a problem.

'Why Mr. Root, I had no idea you were not happy with your work here at crisis services!'

Emergency Firebreaker

"This might or might not be a job for noncommittal man?"

Taliban delegation begin talks with western officials in Oslo.

"I know it looks terrible, but I can see a lot of potential business opportunities over there."

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"Until we know more about the nature of the threat, we should stay calm and wash out hands to keep it from spreading."

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Coronavirus and Atlas

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

'Does he know something I don't?'

"Take your positions everybody. He's escaped his handlers and is wrecking havoc. This could be a bad one."

"Plan for pestilence and hope for war, or plan for war and hope for pestilence?"

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"Get me someone in Apologies, someone in Walkbacks, and send up the whole Scapegoating team."

"Having conducted an incisive 360 degree investigation into the events and concomitant risks associated with recent catastrophic losses we’ve determined that ‘shit happens.’"

"My God, now what?"

"Has our apologist been alerted?"

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Disaster Fatigue