Crimebuster Enthusiast Pillows

The Straw Entrepreneur, The Tin Accountant, and The Cowardly Attorney

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"#notguilty."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."