Crime Thriller Fanatics Gifts

"We've read your crime-thriller novel and have decided to publish it. As a coloring book."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Puss in cement boots"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

Mobsters at the Beach

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

Taking to the sky...

'You can't arrest me -- I gave my power of attorney to another guy!'

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

"We have ways of making you talk."

"I'll have the roasted chicken. Make it look like an accident."

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'Luigi wants to know if you have considered consolidating all your existing debts into one manageable monthly payment?'

'In a surprise move today, the DEA arrested the CIA.'

Hannibal Becomes More Conciliatory.

'I have been searching my soul to find the real reason why I ended up here and one answer in particular keeps turning up.'

RSPCA Murder squad

"Gee—it's just like in the movies!"

"It's all about the freezer storage space for Vinny."

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

"I don't need to write it down, boss, I'm wearing a wire."

"So long, Tortellini, it's an offer you can't defuse."

The Old Good Cop/Bad Cop Routine.

Laurel and Hardy police protection - "And don't worry about informing on the mob. I've arranged that two of my men give you 24 hour proctection."

'Observe, my dear Watson - it's The Case of the Missing Horse!'

"I'm sorry, sir - The person who handles your account ran off to Rio de Janeiro."

Total Corruption.

"Yeah, that's him alright."

'Bad dog!'