Crime Spoofer Pillows

Prisoner escaping on pogo stick.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Don't editorialize."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Before the riots/after the riots

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Violent Crime Statistics

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

Dog detectives

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."