Crime Spoofer Gifts

Prisoner escaping on pogo stick.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Violent Crime Statistics

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Before the riots/after the riots

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

Dog detectives

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"He did it!"

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."