Crime Cliché Appreciator Gifts

Money Launderer

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Housekeeping?!"

Snowyphus

Mou...Man trap!

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

The hero dramatically rides off into the sunset.

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"You're looking for love in all the wrong places, Harold."

The few moments delay was the downfall of 'The Cat'.

"I ate something that strongly disagreed with me!"

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Rare Exceptions: The Straw that became a massage therapist dedicated to treating chronic back pain in camels...

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

As the Dryer Spins

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

Cartoon Gangsters - I'm gonna have to get Lumpy to rub you out!

Early traffic survey

'This town ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"I wrote my essay specifically so that Hollywood could easily make a blockbuster out of it!"

"Use the platinum card—I need the miles."

"A good day to you, sir, and might the cow of the house be in?"

'Mom said to keep an eye on you!'

I was going to tell this guy to shut up, but is conversation is actually more entertaining than the movie.

"I must say for a man with a morbid fear of roaming herds, you've had some damnable luck.. "

'I am here, because I killed two people while I was sleepwalking!'

'Maybe you're a 'man on a deserted island' cliche because you want to be a man on a deserted island cliche.'

End of Desert You May Now Stand

"Don't look a gift horse in the ass, either."

'No, I didn't know chickens can't resist a conga line, but now we have the answer to that old question...'

Castaway flooded off of desert island.

"Tell me the truth, doc! Give it to me straight, I can take it...."