Crime Irony Lover Gifts

Sanitizer

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

'No enemies, Miss, could you give men a list of his friends?'

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

Mafia machine gun case.

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'Are you the one they call 'the silencer'?' 'Say no more.'

'One victim, four suspects... It's like in a bloody Agatha-Christie-novel! Dang, I hate that mystery stuff...'

'And what do you do?'

Money Launderette

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"The one at the end looks shifty"

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

Trump in a prison cell.

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

'There's £200 missing from the safe. What do I do?'

Street musician playing to people with headphones in.

'Mob audition'

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'