Comedic Irony Lover Gifts

Buck's Truckin' - "Safety third!"

The Grim Reefer: 'DUDE,that was,like,your last puff,MAN.'

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

Mafia Checkpoint.

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'