Comedic Irony Seeker Gifts

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

How cats see their home

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

True confession

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

Spam on the Menu at Internet Cafe.

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

'The mincer's busted!'

I'm beginning to think that the expensive super HD TV we bought that would be just like 'looking through a window' actually IS a window!"

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

"I must say for a man with a morbid fear of roaming herds, you've had some damnable luck.. "

Tip jar at boxing match.

The Grim Reefer: 'DUDE,that was,like,your last puff,MAN.'

"What elephant?"

"Where's Waldo?"

"People shouldn't have names until they're 30."

'All I see is red ink!'

Noise Pollution Symposium.

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"

'How were we to know oil would run out? We only sell the stuff.'