Unexpected Irony Seeker Gifts

Fluffy's kitty litter and the crematorium.

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen

If found please return to mountain