Creature Of The Night Humorist Gifts

"You think you have it tough? I'm afraid of the dark!"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Did you find our menorah?

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

"Mind if I read a little?"

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

Man's dentures hold cigar.

Overnight Programming

"Come home when the internet's back on."

Sasquatch/Summersquatch

Claudette Melanson

"The vampire can come... I'm prepared!"

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'

'No, no coffee for me thanks, it's almost dawn: It would keep me up the whole day...'

"There's something of the night about you, Dennis..."

'Now to utter the magic words that will turn me into a bat!...Still needs a little work!'

"Actually, I am underwater."

"I wanted to warn you, my dad says if my grades don't go up, somebody is in big big trouble!"

"Being transferred to days isn't a promotion for an astronomer, you idiot!"

'I can't stand he: She thinks she's so sophisticated just because she's a European Wasp!'

Mugger mugging fast food.

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

The Insanity Plea.

"Daylight Savings Time, you idiot!"

'I'm getting kind of tired of working so much at night.'

Woman barking at the moon.