Creature Of The Night Humorist Pillows

"You think you have it tough? I'm afraid of the dark!"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Did you find our menorah?

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

"Mind if I read a little?"

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

Man's dentures hold cigar.

"Come home when the internet's back on."

Sasquatch/Summersquatch

Overnight Programming

'No, no coffee for me thanks, it's almost dawn: It would keep me up the whole day...'

"There's something of the night about you, Dennis..."

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

Claudette Melanson

"The vampire can come... I'm prepared!"

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'

'Now to utter the magic words that will turn me into a bat!...Still needs a little work!'

"Being transferred to days isn't a promotion for an astronomer, you idiot!"

"Actually, I am underwater."

"I wanted to warn you, my dad says if my grades don't go up, somebody is in big big trouble!"

"Daylight Savings Time, you idiot!"

'I'm getting kind of tired of working so much at night.'

"Jeff, wake up. I just remembered what I was furious at you for."

The Insanity Plea.

'I can't stand he: She thinks she's so sophisticated just because she's a European Wasp!'

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

Mugger mugging fast food.

Woman barking at the moon.