Nightlife Humorist Pillows

Strip club.

One for my baby.

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"What other tricks does he need?"

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

Hipster Police Department

"Mind if I read a little?"

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."