Nocturnal Humorist Pillows

Man's dentures hold cigar.

"Jeff, wake up. I just remembered what I was furious at you for."

'I'm getting kind of tired of working so much at night.'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Macbeth: Take Two

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

'Your night writing book, madam.'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Ghost puddle

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

The following is a paid political announcement.

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

"I don't like space."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

Fancy a pint?

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'You complete me.'

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

A few Halloween costume ideas.

'I'm dressed as a vat inspector.'

"Whadd ya wanna be for Halloween, Bro?"

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

"By the way, does anything other than 'trouble' rhyme with 'bubble'?"

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

" ...so I said, 'what the heck', and installed an MP3 player too."

Halloween sculptor

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

Witch Doctor