Cracker Snacker Pillows

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Boy whistling at crackers.

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"I do diet...between snacks."

A parrot business meeting

Cookie Thief

C is for Cracker

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cracker nice, but Polly want more.

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

Polly want a cracker?

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'Polly had a cracker.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

Two prisoners pull a Christmas cracker, the free gift is a hacksaw.

Mouse Cracker

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

"I know you want a cracker, but I refuse to contribute further to the welfare state."

Don't lie to me

Parrot to owner: 'The cracker is fine, but will it satisfy my emotional needs?'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'