Snack Snickerer Pillows

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"That's the preacher's dog."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

"Do you want fries with that?"

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

Theory of Gravity

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

The final proof that they were closer to humans than we ever thought.

How to make your own snickers bar

"Oh, very well - make that life with the possibility of parole."

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal some crackers and some grapes too...

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

A fridge surrounded by books.

"Dad, what is a meal?"

"Gracie, you can't leave Animal Crackers all over the place!"

15 Second Grocery Delivery

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

I can't find the artisanal Pop-Tarts.

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

That Snake Talks Sense

"And I got this bachelorhood award for most meals eaten standing in the kitchen hanging over the sink."

Bakery. Any weight I lose can easily find me again by following the trail of crumbs.

"It's to help you stop the late-night snacking."