Satirical Snickerer Pillows

"This position has become very important to the company."

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

"That's the preacher's dog."

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Theory of Gravity

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

The final proof that they were closer to humans than we ever thought.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself. . .feel sorry for those who have to work with you!

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"Oh, very well - make that life with the possibility of parole."

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

You didn't tell me it was iTheatre...

Bully accepts Paypal, Venmo or Bitcoin

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

"I do enjoy group activities."

Diet.

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Must resist urge to mock inspirational posters

'Is this guy serious?'

'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'

'I'm sorry, but zoning laws only allows roads made out of lo-cal gravel.'

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

"Anyway, I'm making crazy money selling out humanity."

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

''Bad pig!' 'Is that even possible?''

Cheap eats