Satirical Snickerer Gifts

That Snake Talks Sense

"This position has become very important to the company."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

"That's the preacher's dog."

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Theory of Gravity

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

The final proof that they were closer to humans than we ever thought.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself. . .feel sorry for those who have to work with you!

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"Oh, very well - make that life with the possibility of parole."

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

You didn't tell me it was iTheatre...

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

Bully accepts Paypal, Venmo or Bitcoin

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Is this guy serious?'

"I do enjoy group activities."

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

Diet.

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Must resist urge to mock inspirational posters

'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

'I'm sorry, but zoning laws only allows roads made out of lo-cal gravel.'

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

"Anyway, I'm making crazy money selling out humanity."

Cheap eats