Cracker Snacker Gifts

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"I do diet...between snacks."

Cookie Thief

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

C is for Cracker

A parrot business meeting

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

Polly want a cracker?

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

Two prisoners pull a Christmas cracker, the free gift is a hacksaw.

Mouse Cracker

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Parrot to owner: 'The cracker is fine, but will it satisfy my emotional needs?'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Eating in Heaven.