Cracker Lovers Gifts

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Love is when you watch television together.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Come on Darling: Surely, you don't need a sledgehammer to crack a nut...

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Stupid Microwave

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

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