Crack Shot Gifts

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

Shooting

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

A Cyber-Nerd Romance.

"You'll get your sandbox back as soon as Daddy has practiced a few bunker shots!"

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'Here comes another swarm - it must be that time of year again.'

'Oh no. How are you going to get it out of that little hole?'

'No, no, Ben, you don't retrieve these birds!'

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

Rational explanations

"You're on the forty-ninth floor now, Mr. Dowd. Up here, the world no longer revolves around you."

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

Mountain climber error.

Golfer Snooker.

Ground Game!

'He's a lousy CEO, but you should see him open a walnut.'

'Nice Shooting.'

Shooting in Ireland

"Polly doesn't want THAT cracker."

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

'Call me crazy, Earl, but I get the feeling those ducks were expecting us!'

Snooker player with telescopic sight fitted to his cue.

Acne fairies

"As I said before, I can't hear a word you're saying."

NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'

'Yes! it went in! Finally, I got a hole-in-one! And with THREE witnesses!'

'No, I didn't say I WANT a cracker. I said I'm GOING crackers from sitting on this perch day after day, month after month, year after year!'