Cow Pie Philosopher Gifts

'Aaaaah Kill me, somebody please Kill me'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Pie Filling Reader

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Pie chart"

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

"If mass equals energy, why do you have so little?"

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"Quick conference...this is rhubarb pie...do we like it or not?"