Coverage Skeptic Gifts

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Studies show foods work miracles!

CIA report

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

Why do you hate the media?

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

Classic News.

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

The Public Option

"Climate change is not real. It's fake climate!"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Now remember...no lies about the government...only lies from the government."

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

No Unknown Unknowns

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

The following story is based on actual events.

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'