Courtroom Comics Enthusiast Pillows

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

'I urge the Court to take into consideration the fact that my client donated the body to science.'

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Not guilty?"

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

You may go free, to worry about tax and the economy like the rest of us.

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Must you be so judgemental?'