Courtroom Comics Pillows

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'As we're running late for lunch, I'm going to dispense with the case for the defence, and go straight to sentencing.'

At the identity theft trial...

'Good news. The DNA proves you're not guilty, you have no genetic diseases, and you're a half-brother of the Prince of Glavistan.'

'Because of the heinous nature of your crime, I hereby sentence you to life imprisonment without cable TV!'

'If you haven't done anything wrong, why did you hire a lawyer?'

"You have been accused Mr Brown of impersonating important public figures."

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Supremacist Court

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

"Your Honor, may I point out to the court that my client pleased guilty to wrongdoing, but not the evildoing."

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"