Courtroom Comic Relief Pillows

Your honor, would you instruct counsel that it's impolite for a lawyer to point at a witness? It's also impolite for a judge to beat a witness senseless with a gavel, but you are one annoying little jackass.

"I have now decided the strategy on how to present your case in court."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Yawning barristers in court

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

A baby in court

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."