Courtroom Antics Enthusiast Pillows

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you hear me now?"

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Criminal Stupidness

"Let's take in a trial."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'