Courtroom Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"Your Honor, the defense contends its client could never get a fair trial in this court."

'While the court is sympathetic, I don't think the law recognizes hot air as a trade secret.'

"I find in these cases that the best defense is a pack of lies."

"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."

He was good. Real good.

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"...and do you smell that man anywhere in the courtroom?"

How future cases will be decided if there is a 4-4 tie.

'Well, well, well -- seven hundred and fifty thousand counts of breaking and entering....'

When victim impact statements go horribly wrong.

Judge to sleeping jury: 'We will now hear closing arguments in the case of Sleepytime Mattresses vs. Beddy-bye Bedding.'

"Your Honor, I think you'll get a kick out of my client's extenuating circumstances."

'I blew the whistle on my second employer as soon as I got my second wind.'

'Charges against you are dimissed, but you attorney is sentenced to Brooks Brothers for a complete make-over.'

Juvenile Court

'Sure my client had motive...'

'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is this the face of a good dog? No! This is the face of a bad dog! Bad! Bad dog!!'

'The whole hand, Mr. Tamano.'

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"Let's take in a trial."

King Kong vs the City of New York

"No, your honor, we still haven't reached a verdict."

Three tired gentleman in a courtroom.

"Motion denied."

'Permission to treat the witness as hostile!'

'The court thinks I'm guilty and then I'm innocent. Suppose we let the ethicist for the New York Times decide.'

Their case having fallen apart, the defense pleads NGBOJWG -- 'not guilty because O.J. wasn't guilty.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant guilty. But, we think the prosecutor deserves a good kick in the pants!'

'I'll be representing myself, your Honor.'

'And then when the whole crowd started yelling 'kill the umpire', something snapped.'

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

'Five years of dinner at home with the family!'