Court Sentencing Gifts

'The deal is five to ten - - but you can govern from your cell.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

Ode to a Grill

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

Police Statetion

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

The Investigation

'It's called playing. Provides one with a sense of accomplishment - without actually accomplishing anything.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Sticking out tongue

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

TOO SLOW

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'

"Oh stop judging me, Gerald!"

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'