Quirky Sentencing Enthusiast Gifts

'I got your sentence reduced from tar and feathers to molasses and confetti!'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

Sketches by Boz - A Pickpocket Being Wheelbarrowed to Police Station

Special Place in Hell...

"Drop it... Such things banished in our kingdom."

The few moments delay was the downfall of 'The Cat'.

'Your honor, for personal reasons, my client would prefer to wait in his car while the verdict is being read.'

Hanging Judge

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

'You must have doubts because even I don't know if my client is innocent or guilty.'

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"

"What?"

Trump in a prison cell.

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

A toast, to the ones who got away.

"Governor just called with a reprieve!...But it's only, wait, did you not change the clock back?""

'The prisons are full, so we're going to chain you to a mailbox.'

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

'I didn't get a fair trial, my judge owned the house I burgled.'

"When the game warden isn't looking, plant this little gun on the duck."

Counselor, are you telling me that the best deal you can get me is five consecutive life sentences? That's with good behavior.

"That's blind loyalty for you."

'The next case, Your Honor, is Elmer B. Galsworthy versus just about everybody else.'

"I couldn't find a nail file, like you asked, so I brought you some nail polish and lip gloss instead."

'The hair shirt is sufficient. You don't have to shave with a hedgehog.'

Court. Wanting to be "the best me I can be" is no excuse for identity theft!

He was a man of strong convictions - Sing Sing 3 to 5, Leavenworth 6 to 12.

'That's what I like about Jeremiah - NOTHING gets him down!'

'...Plus an additional 5 years for parking your getaway car in my reserved space!'

'Can you loan me five bucks until I get out and pull a job?'