Court Jesting Aficionado Gifts

'Being a royal court jester hasn't just been all glitz and glamor you know. Oh sure, there's been a lot of laughter on the outside but tehre's been a lot of crying,dysentry,cholera,gout and bubonic plague on the inside.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

TV jester.

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Can you hear me now?"

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

He was good. Real good.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."