Courageous Commentators Pillows

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Doom & Gloom

Do you believe in money at first sight?

House Arrest in the Age of Coronavirus

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

People want as much government as they deserve.

'This is my wife, Viola, who I've been happily married to for twenty five years.'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"Before you say no to this prescription, let me also say that your monthly tax-deductible gift will help support a pharmaceutical executive in need."

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

GPs press for sick note reform

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

'I'm just reaching my sexual innuendo peak.'

Superiority of Cats.

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'I'm sure there's a place for humor in this world, but I've never discovered where that is.'

How come you never know a famous artist until he's dead?

'When a man and a woman marry they promise to love each other all their lives. Or until the warranty expires.'