Cheerful Commenters Pillows

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

Doom & Gloom

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"Don't forget to come back."

'Nothing about equal opportunity?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

'Showed me up you did, the only one politely applauding and wearing a tie!'

Lady to man with many birds: 'You would have to buy a mimic!'

A Quick Guide to Our New Post-Truth Political Era.

"Who's the fairest of them all, not using instagram filters?"

"Are you sure this sport is now drug free?"

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

"I've been married four times... do you think my resistance is down?"

All the fox hunts are out to test the new law! What a load of hunts!

Antonin Scalia's last action results in a unanimous decision

Baubles

'Do you think children are growing up too fast?' 'Yes Mummy.'

In court: 'So help me, which God?'

The magic that never gives up