Coupon Collectors Gifts

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'It's okay -- I had a coupon.'

It's tough staying on a diet. I buy a quart of milk and the cash register spits out coupons for cakes,cookies and pies!

'I never dreamed we were responsible for the coupon manufacturer paying the grocer.'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Unusual Offers

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

'Do you have any coupons?'

What You Came In For In The First Place And Forgot Aisle.

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

"Dog food coupons! Dog food coupons!"

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

'See, money can buy happiness and I have a dollar off coupon, too!'

Time-Off Coupons

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

'It's okay -- I had a coupon.'

"Ask Mister Buck." Our wizard of finance answers your questions. "Mist Buck, what's a 'lump sum settlement'?" That's what you get from workers' comp if you get hit on the head at work.

"I came in because of your two-for-the-price-of-one coupons."

Afro comb farmer - "That's a fine looking afro comb you're growin there, Jeb."

"I like to reward productive employees. Here's a 50% off voucher for the vending machine."

"I'm taking me voucher and going to circus school."

"I actually have a groupon for a fourth wish."

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

"I'm sorry, but this has expired."

Lemonade, 50? ? After 25? mail-in rebate.

'New! A bonus island of flavor!'

'This coupon expired last week. Would you like to go back to redeem it?'