Cosmopolitan Conversationalist T-Shirts

"I'm a citizen of the world, but I'm based in Bayonne."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

A lesson in wit

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Bla Bla Bla

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'