Cosmic Conversationalist T-Shirts

"She may be cute, but she's terrible with money."

'I tell you what, no more dates with Astronomers! What I thought would be a romantic walk under the stars ended up being a two-hour Physics lecture...'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"You have a really weird energy."

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

'By the way, I am a Sagittarius, and you?'

'Oh, you're from earth. Do you know Aaron Michaelson?'

'Greetings, Martian, from the planet Venus.'

"Unitarian. You?"

"Darling of course Mummy and Daddy still love each other. Just much much much less than before."

"You had me at sextile moon."

"God does exist, he just doesn't want to get involved."

"Good game."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

Chiller Theatre

Zenemies.

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

How life on Earth really got its start.

"Earth – Love the brand, hate the owners."

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'