Cosmetic Surgery Recovery Gifts

'...and don't forget, say something nice about her collagen implants.'

'Well, how do you like your new nose!' Reply: 'Can't go to the office party like that!! My colleague has exactly the same!!'

"Couldn't you have waited till she was smiling before you injected the botox?"

"How'd everything go?"

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

Do you think I'm sixty?

En garde!

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."