Cosmetic Surgery Recovery Gifts

'...and don't forget, say something nice about her collagen implants.'

'Well, how do you like your new nose!' Reply: 'Can't go to the office party like that!! My colleague has exactly the same!!'

"Couldn't you have waited till she was smiling before you injected the botox?"

"How'd everything go?"

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'