Corporate Shark Fan Gifts

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

The Food Chain

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Fish and color

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Let's Celebrate

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"Heads or tails?"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'