Corporate Sarcasm Fan Gifts

'Bring me something I can barely handle.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Born In Captivity.

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"