Corporate Rivalry Fan Gifts

Good morning, Rudy. What's so good about it? My awareness that Google and Apple, the two companies you idolize, are in increasing cutthroat competition. To think of the damage your two darlings could do to one another. The chaos. The drama. The Anguish! Plus, it's sunny. Bite me.

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

The Alpha Seltzer

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Let's Celebrate

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I need to catch you after the meeting."

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"You've all been like a company to me."

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'He's been with me for a long time... he was my first ulcer.'

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'