Corporate Boxing Fan Gifts

"I can't decide which one of you should get the promotion, so I'm setting up a boxing match between you two to decide."

The MBA Draft

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Let's Celebrate

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Take me to your market leader.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

"You've all been like a company to me."

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

'What do you mean our mailroom has gone public?'

"It's quite bad news so I've turned it into an anagram!"