Corporate Shark Fan Pillows

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

The Food Chain

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Fish and color

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Let's Celebrate

"Heads or tails?"

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Take me to your market leader.'