Corporate Responsibility Officer Gifts

Carcinogens, Inc.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Direct Marketing...

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'How do we SLEEP at night?'

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

Panama Papers Scandal

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

AI Safety Officer

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

"My boss says I intimidate people. . . so I stared at him until he apologized."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

IRS Audit Section