Corporate Officer Gifts

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

"It's okay, you can go home. You know, this guys is a CEO."

'Does that include our hidden agendas when they asked everyone to re-prioritize?'

'Stop!...Stop! I told you, you can't beat the system!'

Business isn't booming.

'Sir Arnold? I'm your corporate reputation consultant.'

In. Out. Destroyed without my knowledge.

"Okay son, you're a corporate officer now... So go out there and fire someone!"

"I can't think of anything I have no problem with."

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

"Mrs.Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

"We've been monitoring your e-mail, Rodney. Want to resign now?"

"Well...is there anything about the working atmosphere I should know, Andy?"

'When I declared 'Casual Friday,' I didn't mean it that literally!'

'Inform the stockholders that we are down 34 points but make it look like a normal dip.'

'Wording the purpose of the secondary offering may prove a little tricky, since you blew the IPO money decorating a restroom.'

'And my board approved this?'

'This is our environmental policy officer.'

'Sounds interesting! Have your people text message my people with the details.'

'After two days of mediating, it turned out that the telephone company exectuives were negotiating with the union from Westinghouse.'

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"Pretty good day. I wasn't linked to anything incriminating."

Let's be honest here, and admit we're targeting the stupid-with-their-money demographic.

"Your lieutenants aren't here. They've all gone to the officer's club."

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'