Corporate Executives Gifts

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"A handshake and a high five - I can't see this merger working."

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Our actual performance over the last quarter depends much on one's perspective. Take, for example, this perspective.'

'My 4 year old granddaughter received a credit card application last week. I want to know why it wasn't ours!'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Welcome to Dysfunction Corp. "We're not a company... We're a family!"

Acme Group: Glass Ceiling

Idiot's Guide to Management and Management's Guide to Idiots.

'These business meetings are like panda matings...The expectations are always high, but the results are usually disappointing.'

'I said all those in favour of improving communication, turn off your iPods.'

"Our greatest asset isn't financial... It's people."

"No! - We all agreed that FRIDAY would be Dress-Down Day."

'Somebody close the window. Those pesky drones are getting in.'

'We're going through financial hard times. We're going to have to spread the misery around unevenly.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Lemonade Stand Becoming Starbucks

"I can't take all the credit, but I did help drive this company into the ground."

"This is no time to be thinking about ourselves, Matthews, so I'll see you at the meeting on Monday?"

"Personally, I just let my conscience be my guide..."

'Don't think of it as being fired, think of it as being repurposed.'

"It's not fair - they have a much bigger payroll!"

"Why do I think the company's CFO has taken downsizing too far? That's the company's CFO!"

'So, how's our company doing?'

"And this is for keeping wages down."

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

'You're a two-faced, back stabbing, bootlicker who wouldn't hesitate to sell his own Mother for profit, Penderton. If only we had more like you.'

'So let's look at motivation. Is 'market share' what gets you up in the morning, or is it something else?'

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

Business Temples