Corporate Executives Gifts

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

"A handshake and a high five - I can't see this merger working."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Our actual performance over the last quarter depends much on one's perspective. Take, for example, this perspective.'

'My 4 year old granddaughter received a credit card application last week. I want to know why it wasn't ours!'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Welcome to Dysfunction Corp. "We're not a company... We're a family!"

"Our greatest asset isn't financial... It's people."

'These business meetings are like panda matings...The expectations are always high, but the results are usually disappointing.'

Acme Group: Glass Ceiling

"It's not fair - they have a much bigger payroll!"

'Somebody close the window. Those pesky drones are getting in.'

'Don't think of it as being fired, think of it as being repurposed.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"I can't take all the credit, but I did help drive this company into the ground."

Lemonade Stand Becoming Starbucks

"No! - We all agreed that FRIDAY would be Dress-Down Day."

'We're going through financial hard times. We're going to have to spread the misery around unevenly.'

"Personally, I just let my conscience be my guide..."

"Why do I think the company's CFO has taken downsizing too far? That's the company's CFO!"

Business Temples

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

"ICE! Let's see everybody's green card."

'Around here we don't play 'good cop-bad cop'. We play 'good bank - bad bank!''

'So let's look at motivation. Is 'market share' what gets you up in the morning, or is it something else?'

"Our $500- Pentagon toilet seats now made by Haliburton in Iraq for $800."

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'

'You're a two-faced, back stabbing, bootlicker who wouldn't hesitate to sell his own Mother for profit, Penderton. If only we had more like you.'

"And this is for keeping wages down."

'So, how's our company doing?'

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."